GLCC downtown. It’s $2 a person. Bring a pen and paper and some great ideas (I know you guys have ‘em, so bring them!!!)
edit: I should probably clarify that the GLCC charges $2 a person to use their community conference room. It’s not a choice of mine but the GLCC is a non-profit so it’s necessary to support them.
So, last night I went with my parents to their friends house for dinner. The husband, Mark had this enormous Steeler’s room and, naturally, since I live in Pittsburgh, he was talking it up to me and my dad. Somehow, Ben Roethlisberger’s assault charges came up.
Then Mark proceeded to dig a little deeper. He said, “That girl knew what was going to happen when she went in that bathroom.” My dad watched my face turn red as I excused myself from the room. Usually, I would completely bust out in my rape culture rant and, had I done that, I was more than prepared to make an ass out of this guy in front of his company, his family, and in his house. However, I didn’t.
Shocker, I know. But I didn’t feel like I covered up what I believed in at all. I was in this man’s house, in front of his company and his family. It was not the right time or right place. It also made me realize that had I gone into that rant, it wouldn’t have changed anyones feelings on the matter. Walking away from that night, they would have still thought, “That girl knew what was going to happen when she went into that bathroom.” However, there ARE people who are willing to listen and have an open mind. But this was a reminder that there is a right time and a right place to approach open mindedness and change. I’m 100% positive that if I had pulled him aside later and gone into a scaled down version of my rant, he would have listened wholeheartedly.
It was also a bit of a win to see my dad sit back and wait for me to go into said rant. He told me he was counting down to it, watching me bite my tongue and continue sipping on my drink. I know he wouldn’t have stopped me either. I’m thankful for supportive people who accept and push me to create my own beliefs.
My story isn’t violent.
I wasn’t drunk or high, or under the influence of any substance. The first guy was my best friend, and unbelievably the second was my boyfriend. They happened within 5 months of each other. The second guy knew that I had been victimized before. I’ve always been strong. I’ve always been assertive and sure of myself. I always told myself that I would never let it happen to me because I’d heard the stories of my grandmother being raped. Both incidences we’re surreal. I remember distinctly telling them no…over and over. The first guy, John*…he drowned out my voice with loud rock music so none of his family could hear us. I laid there quietly and waited for it to be over. He finished and told me to get dressed. He led me out to the living room to talk to his family before he took me home. I sat there, everything feeling like a dream. He drove me home and never said a word to me. He tried to contact me several times months after it and I never had the courage to confront him about it.
The second guy, Kevin* was my boyfriend. It was my senior year. We hadn’t done anything but make out a few times. I was sick with strep throat and mono at the same time. He was over keeping me company while my mom was at work, and things took a bad turn. I asked him to stop because I was sick, but he ignored me and turned me face down on the bed, and after a few minutes he stopped and said, “Oh, you don’t want to.” He pulled his pants up and left. He tried to come back over later to apologize, but by that time I was in a state of denial. It took me a whole month to break it off.
I was in denial about both incidents for a long time. I blamed myself. I told myself that I had asked for it by the way I acted and dressed. I was too ashamed to tell anyone. And I didn’t have a boyfriend for a long time until I met my now fiancee. He’s the only person I ever told and he was very supportive. I don’t know if either guy knows what he actually did to me.
*names changed to protect the storyteller, who asked to remain anonymous.
friendlyneighborhoodcurmudgeon:
Two MSU basketball players raped a woman in the dorms then one admitted to it. Their only consequence was that they had to move out of the dorms. This picture is of me and one other woman holding up this banner during Midnight Madness. Two other brave souls had a banner on the other side for a while before some jerk started playing tug or war with them over it. This was taken before we got booed at by 10,000 people and police escorted from the stadium.
Ok, for those of you who somehow still don’t fucking get it, THIS IS RAPE CULTURE.
(Source: goforthandagitate, via loveyourchaos)
GQ and Sexism: Oops They Did It Again!
Well, here we are again. GQ has once again skyrocketed to the top of my “Sexism Shit List,” this time with the spread titled, “Alison Brie and Gillian Jacobs Did This Lesbian Scene for Us.”
Why you gotta be like this, GQ? You’re a men’s lifestyle and fashion magazine! I don’t get it. Because frankly, yet again, this photo is offensive. And not everyone understands why.
It’s not Alison Brie or Gillian Jacobs. It’s not, “It’s such a shame to see young actresses whoring themselves out for publicity these days.” That’s rude, and slut-shaming, and it frustrates me to see people understand that this spread is not right but are left of center on why. This is not Alison Brie’s or Gillian Jacobs’ issue. This is a societal issue. This is a gender issue. This is a sexuality issue. This is a race issue.
The problem with this takes us right back to the male gaze. Let me ask you: how many men do you see in this photo? Zero, right? Wrong. The answer is one. There is one man in the photo and he is the one who is looking at it. Thanks, GQ, for reminding us that the male gaze is alive and well!
There should be no man in this photo. But this photo was designed by men, shot by a man, and published for men. The women in this photo are not subjects; they are objects. They are fetishized and presented simply as a girl-on-girl scenario.
Which leads me to another complaint: the title clearly says that this is “going lesbian.” Um, GQ, this is not “going lesbian.” This is going “girl-on-girl for the sake of a dude,” which, frankly, is only ever designed by dudes. “For us!” It’s right there in the title! This is for dudes! But girls don’t “go lesbian” for dudes. Girls “go lesbian” for, well, women, and marginalizing the validity of that by turning it into a sexualized and objectified peep show is just disrespectful.
Gentlemen of the world: we ladies are not here for you. This may be tough to hear, but we are not here to be objects to your subject, or accessories in your fantasies about lesbians or dominatrices or schoolgirls. It would be helpful if the media would take note of this and stop perpetuating the male gaze in its creative endeavors.
Because, again, everything is a choice. This photoshoot was a choice, and those choices reflect the fact that the objectification of women is still defended as a “style” in creative media. Sexism is not a style. Sexism is ingrained into almost every societal construct and its pursuits - the media especially - and it needs to be removed.
And of course, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the fact that there are three female cast members on Community: Gillian Jacobs, Alison Brie, and Yvette Nicole Brown. So what, did Yvette Nicole Brown’s invitation to this photoshoot just get lost in the mail, or do I really have to wonder about this nasty little suggestion that America is unable to find anything other than white and/or thin sexy?
The worst thing in all of this is the idea that it somehow relates back to comedy. If Yvette Nicole Brown were included, would this photoshoot therefore become more ironically comedic, as though she couldn’t possibly be sexualized in a non-funny way? With Alison Brie and Gillian Jacobs, it’s clear that “sexiness” is trumping “funniness,” but if you include their size-larger-than-4, African-American castmate, does that therefore change the tone of the shoot? Oh, the fact that these questions are both disgusting and yet valid is not okay. This is just further indication that the media’s perception of beauty and the female form is screwed up beyond the telling of it - and it’s because the standard being set ties inextricably back to the male’s perspective: the male gaze.
It’s unfortunate. I wish GQ wouldn’t publish photos like this, and I wish there weren’t an audience for them, because clearly, they wouldn’t be published if they weren’t popular. At some point, the misrepresentations of gender, race, and sexuality have to be righted, and GQ - and the media in general - has enough power to start those changes. It’s all in the power of choice. But right now, they’re making the wrong choices.
Author’s Note: I’m also annoyed that the article missed a semi-colon. But that’s not the important thing to focus on here.
(via xyloscope)
Because “how I dress is not an invitation to rape”, join the Slut Walk this Saturday:
http://slutmeansstandup.org.uk/
